Zelda 3 is a series of songs by The Amazing BrandO, following the events of The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. BrandO released the song in an episodic format.


  • BrandO as Link, Link's Uncle, Sage, Sahasrahla, Agahnim
  • Danielle Curavo as Princess Zelda
  • Miguel Morales as Hipster Pickle

Episode 1: The Secret Passage Edit


  • "Opening Demo"
  • "File Select" (video only)
  • "Time of Falling Rain"
  • "Church" (video only)


Link: I hear your cries for help
To me and no one else
What can I do, I'm just an elf
(I'm just an elf with a really large penis!)
Who's that and where's he going to?
Link's Uncle: Go to bed!
Link: I don't like his freakin' attitude
What the hell am I supposed to do?
(Don't make me slap you with my really large penis!)

I found a lamp
(That's right I found it)
I'll do a dance
(I'm so grounded)
I'll take a chance and I'll go

Where are my pants?
(I can't find them)
Where are my pants?
(I can't find them)
Where are my pants?
I don't know...

Now, I'm walking out in the rain
Like I'm Oran "Juice" Jones
She keeps talking, am I insane?
She won't leave me alone

I rip plants from the ground and then I'm killin' ya, son
I got 99 problems and a bush ain't one!
Man on the run
Havin' too much fun
I've got 3 hearts
You'll be left with less than one
I got a sword now
Watch me build it up, release
This is a secret technique from my family tree
I got the strength of a bear
That has the strength of a Sheen
I'm lean and I'm mean
I'm a (expletive) killin' machine


Zelda 3 Episode 1 - The Secret Passage04:00

Zelda 3 Episode 1 - The Secret Passage


  • The "Where are my pants?" part references a part of BrandO's Final Fantasy VII song, where Sephiroth sings "Where's my shirt? Can't find it."
  • Oran "Juice" Jones wrote a song called "The Rain", and a part of the music video for that song was used in this video.
  • In the video, Link's uncle can be heard saying "Zelda is your sister..." upon his death. In the original game, he trails off before saying "sister". BrandO interprets it as this, but others believe that Link's uncle meant to say "destiny".
  • The line "I got 99 problems and a bush ain't one" is a reference to a part of Jay-Z's song "99 Problems": “If you’re havin’ girl problems, I feel bad for you son/ I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one.”

Episode 2: Hyrule Castle Edit


  • "Hyrule Castle"


Link: Gonna stab you all in the throat!
I will kill your face, you don't wanna fuck with this shit
I will throw a vase and then you will die in one hit
Zelda, I'm comin' to the rescue!
(Now that I got a sword and shield, let me)
Tell ya, I'm leavin' quite a mess, too
(Fight my way to the basement, what a fuckin')
Hassle! I'll push you off the ledge, dude
(I'm gonna stab you in the fuckin')
Asshole! I'm killin' all your friends, too
(I'm gonna kill you, I kill everybody)

I'm on my way, there ain't nothing to fear
I'll take you far, far away from here
I've got a plan (I've got a plan!)
I am the man (I am the man!)
Don't you worry baby, dry those tears, because
I would run a gauntlet
I'd travel through time
I would pull the wrong switch
Just to call you mine
I'm gonna hit you with a vase
Then, I'm gonna throw my boomerang
I'm gonna stab right through your face
Gonna put you in your place
Gonna save the fuckin' day

Zelda! Will you give me a kiss?
Zelda! How you gonna do me like this?
Zelda: I think there's a chance we might be-
Link: Destined! It's true, so just accept it!
Zelda: Where on Earth did you hear that?
Link: Hey, I got a question
Is this the right direction?
Zelda: Yeah, keep going and we're almost there

Link: I'm gonna fight these fuckin' guys
Zelda: Why don't you just leave them alone?
Link: I'm gonna stab them in their eye
Zelda: Please, would you just leave them alone
Link: I'm gonna rip out all their hearts
Zelda: (Link, you're outta control!)
Link: And I'll rob them and I'll fart in their mouth
Zelda: (Link, you're outta control!)
Link: And break their stuff
Zelda: (Link, you're outta control!)
Link:Well, excuuuse me, Princess Zelda (Excuse me!) Who put you in charge?
Just do what I tell ya
My penis is large (Really large penis!)
Help me move this shelf, bitch, before I slap you with my junk
I don't give a goddamn if it's that time of the month
I didn't ask for this shit, I'm doing the best that I can
So shut your mouth or go south, because you know I'm the man


Zelda 3 Episode 2 - Hyrule Castle03:48

Zelda 3 Episode 2 - Hyrule Castle

Episode 3: The Chosen One Edit


  • "Church"
  • "Overworld"
  • "Kakariko Village"
  • "Earth Angel" by The Penguins


Sage: Princess Zelda, you're alive
I can't believe that you survived
With this strange fellow as your guide
I'm really surprised you made it
Hey, are you guys related?
He must be the Chosen One for no apparent reason at all
Link: I saved the princess (I saved the princess!)
I should be getting some head
But I'm stuck with my dick in my hand
And a shield in the other instead
But I'm feeling good
You know, I'm feeling alright (Come on!)
Gonna save Hyrule tonight
'Cause I'm the man (I kill evil with my really large penis!)

I walk through the fields
But it always feels
Like somebody's watching me
I waddle around
I'm the talk of the town
Haunted burial ground
Ghost bee!
(Oh my god, run away, oh it's gonna sting me)
I hope you understand
That I am the man (I'm the man!)
God help us
I'll face the darkness
The angels hearken
Your face, I'll fart in
I'm tearing apart this land (Really large penis!)
You don't even know (You don't even know)
I'll cut off your toe (I'll cut off your toe)
And then I will laugh at you (Haha!)
I'm taking you down
I'm not messing around
Where the hell is the town?
Oh shit!
(Where's the map? There it is, gotta find the village)
But he's over there
I don't even care
Let's do this
You cannot scare me
Be more than wary
I om nom fairies
I'm saving the day
Why not?
(Really large penis!)

That broom is not a rake
Your grandma's gone insane
A bee came and stung me
I ran away
This kid gave me a net
I chased a guy in red
I'll fight all these chickens
Oh shit, I'm dead
I walk through the village
Something isn't right
I wonder what's going on
I'll read this sign

Earth angel, earth angel
Will you be mine?
My darling dear
Love you all the time
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you
Earth angel, earth angel
The one I adore
Love you forever and ever more
I'm just a fool
A fool in love with you


Zelda 3 Episode 3 - The Chosen One05:29

Zelda 3 Episode 3 - The Chosen One

Episode 4: Lost In the WoodsEdit


  • "Cave"
  • "Guards"
  • "The Lost Woods"
  • "Clint Eastwood" by The Gorillaz
  • "Piggy" by NIN
  • "Minigame" (Video Only)
  • "Agahnim's Theme"
  • "Battle"


Sahasrahla, where the boots at? (Gimme the boots)
I know about your boots, man. (Gimme the boots)
Hand over the boots you mother- (Gimme the boots)
Wouldn't it be easier to gimme the boots?

Sahasrahla: First you have to prove you have what it takes. (What?)
First you have to prove you have what it takes!
Get the pendant from the Palace in the East.
Vanquish the evil! Kill the beast!
Secondly, you have to be my only friend. (What?)
I said, you have to be my only friend!
Best friends until the end and stuff.
Go get the pendant! Prove you're tough!
And then come back and we can watch Matlock together.
I'll call you on the tile. I <3 you!

In the woods, I get lost in the fog.
Is this the Master Sword? OMG!
Hey waitaminute, this can't be the one.
I'll throw it at this guy justforthefun.
The mullet's awesome and all, but I think I should run.
It's a hipster pickle, O-M-G.

Hipster Pickle: I'm a Cucumber Man, actually!

I give no fff- I'll kill you anyway.
I'll boomerang you, shank you in the face.
A magic mushroom, O, what a glorious day!

I'm happy, I'm feelin' glad. I've got sunshine in a bag.
I'm useless, but not for long.
The future is comin' on.

Nothin' can stop me now.
Nothin' can stop me now, cuz I just don't care.

Agahnim: You will die here! (I will win!)
I will destroy you! (Watch me spin!)

You've been deflected! (You are weak!)
I am the Hero, the name's Link!

Agahnim: You've won this time. (I win always!)
We shall soon see, boy! (Call me!)
I've gathered up all the missing girls!
I'll throw you into the darkest world!


Episode 5: What's up, Doc? Edit


  • "Turned into a Rabbit"


I got turned into a bunny (ha ha ha)
What the hell this isn't funny
(You forgot the moon pearl dummy)

I'll fuck anything that moves I can't stop myself,
I'm like rape-ity rape-ity rape with the quickness (help!)
What am I doing? Screwing everyone I see?
This is wrong! Get back here! Don't you run from me! (aghghghghgh)
I need an adult! Doc, help me Please!
Make it stop! Turn it off! I'm gettin' STDs
(Look into the mirror!) I'm a sexy beast!


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