Castlevania is a song from The Adventures of Duane & Brando's EP of Doom. It was remade for their LP of Devastation.


Castlevania was released for the NES in 1987. It is about a vampire hunter, Simon Belmont, who invades Dracula's castle, Castlevania, to slay Dracula and his minions.



  • Duane Zuwala as Simon Belmont
  • Brandon Lackey as Dracula


(Konami Logo Jingle)

(Game Start)

(Vampire Killer)

Simon Belmont:
Armed with a whip and a fuckin' stake
I'm gonna find Count Dracula and seal his fate.
With a one, two, three, (HAHAHA!)
Annihilatin' zombies on my way to the gate.
It's Simon Belmont, the vampire slaughtera'.
Equipped with holy water and I got enough for all of ya.
I'm callin ya...out, takin' ya...down.
Killin' you again puttin' you back in the ground.
I'm not fuckin' around I'll throw a knife in your face.
I'm gonna kick your ass all over the place!
It's a disgrace; and you know that I'm comin'
Even though in the next game I'll be replaced.
Uhh, whoops! I don't know that yet.
But I'm the illest fuckin' cracker that you've ever met.
Get it? (whip crack) That shit is funny.
Now I'm gonna wreck your castle and takes all your money. (Death Sound)


I'm gonna take you down...
I'm gonna take and put your pale ass in the ground, I'm coming!
All this talk is getting on my nerves!
I'll make you eat your words, then I'll eat you for dessert.
You'll never defeat a godlike beast as I.
HAHAHA! I will make you cry.
You're brave, Mr. Belmont, but you're still a fool!
To think the Prince of Darkness less than cruel?
Never underestimate the pain in my heart.
I'll strike you down, and send you back to the start!
Simon Belmont:
Goin' down to Castlevania, test me and I'll tear you apart.
Goin' down to Castlevania, gonna put this stake inside your-
Simon Belmont, in the house.
Gonna tear you apart, from the inside out.
Fight off the monsters and make it to the room
Where you're gonna meet, your doom.
Gonna break it down, gonna stake ya now.
Gonna smash you apart like the Trade Towers.
Gonna go to town, show you who wears the crown.
You and me goin' round 'n round
Don't make me laugh!
Simon Belmont:
Fuck all that bullshit I'm comin' to get you.
You're gonna wish that I'd never have met you!
So put your neck in my hand, motherfucker.
I'm takin' over this land, motherfucker.
It's goin' down bitch, get ready for war.
As I put my foot through your fuckin door!

(Poison Mind)

I'm gonna get you, bitch!
You're going to have to catch me.
Simon Belmont:
I told you before not to fucking test me!
You have just made the biggest mistake of your life.
Simon Belmont:
Is that right?
You will die tonight
Simon Belmont:
Look it's been a long day and I'm wearin' down.
Get your ass over here and let's finish this now!
Haha, you think you can defeat me? Please.
You're weak in the knees, come and taste my disease.
Simon Belmont:
Take this knife to the face!
Not my beautiful face!
Simon Belmont:
Your days of destruction will soon be erased.
Let's face it, you're falling apart.
Simon Belmont:
How 'bout this stake to the heart?
I'm going to bite you!
Simon Belmont:
Owww! Fucker!
We're family now.
Simon Belmont:
You're forgetting one thing, Count Chocula.
I just put my stake in ya, yeah, HAHA...

Goin' down to Castlevania, test me and I'll tear you apart.
Goin' down to Castlevania, gonna put this stake inside your-
Simon Belmont, in the hahahaha.




  • On the EP of Doom version of the song, in the verse that uses "Beginning" from Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse, Dracula's part is usually mistaken to be sung by Death, due to the singer's raspy voice. The video that was made to accompany the song shows a battle with Death, furthering confusion. In the comments of the music video, Brando confirms that it was meant to be Dracula, but says that Death "totally makes more sense".